Learning #3:
"profound interconnectedness"
by: emily
In her trainings, Kay Pranis, a national leader in restorative justice focusing on Peacemaking Circles, talks about the Worldview of the Circle and asks the question: What are the beliefs of the Circle? As we sit in Circle and practice and practice and practice, the lessons and beliefs of the Circle slowly emerge. I’d like to share some of the lessons I’ve learned about the Worldview of Circle and what those beliefs might be. The Circle is a powerful metaphor for understanding some very deep lessons of life.
The third learning that I'd like to offer in this series is that the circle reminds us that we are all connected. We live with profound interconnectedness: with others, with land, with community. It is not possible to disconnect anything from anything else.
Kay likes to tell the story that when she was growing up, it was normal for people to throw plastic bottles out of the car window when they were done drinking the bottle. It wasn’t until much later that people began to realize that there was no “throwing away;” the bottle would eventually end up tangled in a beaver’s dam or among the ocean’s currents.
Similarly, we cannot just dispose of people, throw them away. We have a responsibility to create the conditions to work through conflict or double down when things aren’t going well. Kay says, “we must stay together in the effort to get to a better place. It may not be a perfect place, but it will be a better place. If we take our marbles & go, we will be stuck, stuck in where we were & stuck with all of our negative feelings. We must stay in it together.”
The structure of Circle is a metaphor for this interconnected nature of human beings..
When community is healthy, our bonds with one another keep us together.
But sometimes, someone may move away from the group, distance themselves, be distanced, or leave the group. Regardless, the person is still always connected. No one can be thrown away. Exclusion is not a solution.
This fundamental interconnectedness has some big implications: we must all take on the collective commitment to everyone’s well-being; we must understand that we cannot benefit at the expense of someone else; we must pay attention to the impact of all we touch; and, finally, everything we do ripples out and comes back to us.
Part of what I wrote about in the second installement of this series is that everyone is equally responsible for the quality of the space and accountable to everyone in the circle. Most of us who are used to facilitating (or being facilitated) look to the facilitator to fix problems or address issues, so moving into circle can be a challenging shift.
As we train in keeping circle, an important responsibility is maintaining the quality of the space. If the quality of the space is deteriorating or is going off its center and no one in the group speaks to it, it is the keeper’s responsibility to name it. The difference here, between keeper and facilitator, is that the keeper simply names what is happening and hands it back to the group to address.
For example, the keeper may say something like, “I’m looking at the guidelines and it looks like we’ve veered away from a few guidelines. Let’s take a minute to read them over again.” The next round might be, “Which guideline is hardest for you to live up to right now in this conversation.”
Another option might be to ask, on a scale of 0-10, “How safe do you feel in this space to speak your truth.” The next round might be, “What is one thing you or the group could do to raise your number up one digit?”
It is important to give the group the chance to be more conscious in their communication. So much behavior is unexamined and simply naming what you see as a keeper, can help the group see what is happening and work to remedy it.
This keeper responsibility is important, particularly in harm or conflict circles. People need to vent in order to address their wounds. But if there is an open wound and the air is dirty, the wound risks re-infection. We need to ensure that the the air is clean so that it’s safe to open up wounds to move towards healing the wound. Again, the keeper’s responsibility is to name the dynamic, not fix it; everyone in the circle is responsible for addressing the quality of the space.
Another keeper responsibility that Kay encourages us to tend to is the question, “who is most at risk to leave the circle?” If one person is out on a limb, the keeper must do one of two things: coax the person back in or go out on the limb with them. Cutting the limb is exclusion, so the keeper must pay close attention to this aspect. A person may pass or choose to the leave the circle because they are not ready or willing to do the work, but the group must do their best to not disconnect someone or throw them away.
As we all train more diligently in sitting in circle, more of the group learn keeper responsibilities and begin to pick up some of that responsibility. Honoring interconnectedness and us being all bound to one another is an important aspect of circle process.
In this way, no one is off the hook, no one is alone, no one is solely responsible, we are all accountable. We all belong.
Comments