Beyond “Me” — The Practice of No-Self and Sonomama

Who are we, really?

At some point in life, most of us pause and find ourselves face-to-face with this question.

In this piece, I’d like to explore the Buddhist teaching of no-self—a core insight into the nature of reality—and how we can begin to experience it directly through the everyday practice of sitting meditation. I’ll also share parts of my own journey along the way.

The Insight of No-Self

Around 2,500 years ago, a seeker deeply examined the nature of human existence and the way the world functions. That seeker was Gautama Buddha, and through his inquiry, he came to a profound realization: the insight of anatta, or no-self.

To hear that “there is no real self” may sound disorienting.“But I’m right here. Whose body is this, if not mine?”—that response is natural.

Yet the Buddha taught that this sense of “me” is nothing more than a mental construct. A concept. An illusion.

Where Is This “Self”?

We perceive the world through six faculties—eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, and mind. We hear sounds, smell fragrances, experience sensations, and notice thoughts arising. These all seem to come from inside us, but in truth, they arise naturally in response to conditions around us.

As we grow, we begin to believe: “This body is me. This mind is mine.”But the sense of “I” wasn’t there when we were born—it was formed later through language, experience, and social conditioning. It’s not a fixed truth. It is fruid. It’s a belief we’ve learned.

The Illusion of Separation and the Reality of Interconnection

We are not isolated beings—we are deeply interwoven with all of life. Nature, society, time, environment… countless conditions come together to shape this moment of life.

When we shift our perspective to see this, we realize that the notion of “this is me” or “this belongs to me” is a narrow and limited view. When we stop clinging to the small idea of “I” and begin to see ourselves as part of something much larger, a new way of being begins to emerge.

Zazen — Letting Things Be As They Are

I first encountered zazen when I was longing to go beyond my current self—seeking freedom from suffering.

Zazen is the practice of “doing nothing.”It is the living expression of sonomama—letting everything be just as it is.

Sounds, smells, sensations, and even thoughts arise and fade away on their own. We don’t create them—they come and go naturally. Zazen invites us to leave them untouched, just as they are.

And at some point, a quiet realization may arise: “Even my thoughts… maybe I’m not the one thinking them.”

Everything seen, heard, and felt appears beyond our control—just arising in the now. As we sit, the boundary of “me” begins to dissolve. What remains is only this moment, just as it is.

No doer. No controller. Only the effortless activity of life expressing itself freely.

Freedom from the Thought of “Me”

Eventually, even what we called “my mind” reveals itself to be part of something far bigger.The ideas of “I,” “me,” and “self” are seen for what they are—nothing more than passing thoughts.

There’s an old verse by Ikkyu Sojun, a Zen monk from 15th century Japan:

“As the child grows wise, how sad—they drift farther from what’s true.”

At birth, there is no separation. But over time, we are given names, identities, and roles. We begin to believe: “This is who I am.”These beliefs stack upon each other and eventually trap us in the prison of a self-image.

But in truth, we’ve never been apart from the life that carries us.

Moments of Awakening

Sometimes, we touch a moment where we feel completely one with what is. That’s a moment of awakening—a moment of recognizing our deep interconnection.

Zazen helps us return to this natural state of being. We simply sit, letting the six senses function as they are. Then, it becomes clear: what caused our suffering was the illusion of a separate self we needed to defend or maintain.

When that imagined self is seen for what it is—nonexistent—the suffering gently begins to unravel.

Real Freedom — Living Sonomama

Thoughts and emotions come and go. Nothing stays. When there’s no “me” grasping onto them, even problems no longer feel like problems.

Through continued practice, we begin to return to our original way of being—one that was never lost. And because it was never lost, anyone can rediscover it.

At some point, we quietly realize: We have never once lived apart from this moment.

This is the essence of sonomama—being as we are.Not fixing, not judging, not trying to be something else.Just being here.Just being with what is.

In that, we may see: We are already free. We are already whole.